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You’re married to a police officer, does this mean you are doomed for infidelity?
Or maybe you’ve experienced infidelity in your law enforcement relationship.
Joining in on this podcast episode is marriage and family therapist, Shannon Brown.
Shannon has been a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 20 years. She has had her own private practice for 17 years. She is also a relationship coach, wife and mom of one. Her husband is a police detective and has been on the force for 17 years. She is passionate about keeping marriages together and overall restoring relationships.
First, let’s define infidelity. As individuals, infidelity may mean different things to us. So Shannon says her definition of infidelity is anything that feels like a betrayal or anything that one spouse may feel crossed the line. It does not always have to be physical sex. Emotional betrayal can also occur.
Are law enforcement couples doomed to experience infidelity?
No, absolutely NOT. There is hope for any relationship and Shannon sees examples of this hope in couples all the time. Whether couples have experiences infidelity, cheating or betrayal or not, there is hope to restore their relationship and make it stronger than ever.
In fact, this is exactly what Shannon does. As a relationship coach, she helps couples improve communication, recover after affairs, and restore their connection so they can be resilient to betrayal of any idea.
Shannon does believe that law enforcement officers may experience situations that make them more vulnerable but this is not necessarily JUST true for law enforcement. Many other professions deal with similar aspects of law enforcement like: shift work, long hours away from the job, less connection with your partner, and the feeling that “no one gets it” except for people you work with you experience the same feelings, as well.
Why do some partners stray or go outside the marriage?
1.A lot of times boundaries are crossed as a slow slide. It’s incredibly important to be aware when the boundaries are starting to become crossed.
2. Being disconnected in your relationship. Regardless of what profession you are in, if you are not putting in the time, attention, work and being intentional in your relationship, then you are going to feel disconnected and are making yourself vulnerable.
3. Being a “thrill-seeker”. A lot of times police officers experience thrill-seeking behaviors on the job, but it can become an addiction almost if the thrill-seeking behaviors move outside of the job and your marriage. For some, it becomes a thrill to do something “behind the scenes” and then this causes them to go outside of the marriage.
1. It is smarter to have discussions on HOW to keep boundaries, instead of assuming each partner knows what these boundaries are. Be VERY explicit on what each of you are comfortable (or not comfortable with) in the relationship.
2. Have Weekly Check-Ins. Share gratitudes and what is going well in your relationship. But also share any concerns you may each be having and be open as a spouse to hearing what your spouse has to say. Open up a space to hear the “negatives” without being judgmental or defensive.
Then talk about what can we each do to move forward. How can you implement changes to fix those negatives?
If you suspect your spouse has had an affair, is there hope to repair your relationship?
Shannon says “YES! Absolutely!”
If the partners are willing to put in the work and come face to face with the situation, fully disclose what happened and be transparent, then SO much growth can come from that.
As the person who has been betrayed, if you can be open to conversations instead of very understandably wanting to go into defense and panic mode, then Shannon believes a lot of growth can happen in your relationship making you stronger than you were before.
This exact reason is why Shannon created her 3-Step Training Program for Reconnecting Relationships. So many couples felt hopeless after an affair, but Shannon has over 20 years of experience helping couples recover from an affair and make their relationship even stronger.
She saw too many times where partners went on full attack mode because they didn’t know any better. Instead, Shannon can walk you through with a road map as a neutral professional to help you break down what happened and move past the extreme emotional pain you are in.
If you are dealing with infidelity in your law enforcement relationship, please reach out to Shannon to see if her services are right for you. She has experience dealing with infidelity in law enforcement relationships.
Remember, there is ALWAYS hope for your relationship! You are never doomed- reject that notion.
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