When my husband went into law enforcement a number of years ago I was honestly a bit naive as to what the job would be like for him and for our relationship. There is no blueprint on how to navigate being married to a police officer or what a police officer needs.
It took a lot of time, conversation and understanding on both of our parts to navigate this lifestyle a bit easier.
It has been shown that relational wellness is one of the greatest sources of resiliency for first responders. When first responder couples have effective communication and empathy, it can positively impact the relationship.
And here’s the thing, I get asked a lot “why do I have to understand these things as a spouse or why do I have to make these changes as a spouse, when are my needs going to be met?”
As a spouse, if you take the time to understand what your spouse goes through on the job, what your spouse need because of that, then it opens the door to effective communication. That effective communication in turn, should be impacting both of you positively.
If you are willing to understand what your spouse needs, then I would hope, that he/she is taking the time to ALSO understand what you need. This is not a one way street. But instead, a stepping stone for effective communication and connection because you hopefully understand one another better.
So let’s talk about some things a police officer needs from his/her spouse on and off the job.
Here are 3 Things a Police Officer Needs from His/Her Spouse:
Someone that understands unpredictable schedules
From the beginning of your loved one’s career, it is important to understand that police officers will have unpredictable schedules. They want nothing more than to not be late, to not be held over at work, to not have to work overtime, but most days, they can not help it. It is the nature of the career and one that we, as spouses and loved ones, need to understand. A lot of days they may get called in for court, trainings, extra shifts and it is not their fault.
Someone that understands work days may be long or they be working long hours
This is similar to the last point. Work days will be very long most of the time. Police officers work in 10 or 12 hour shifts in many jurisdictions so on their working days, they will have little time for anything else. Police officers also don’t usually get off work right when their shift time is up. They can’t just easily walk away from an arrest, car accident or whatever call they are on. So some days their shifts may go over an hour or more and again, it is not their fault.
Someone that supports their line of work and what they experience on the job even if we don’t always understand what they go through
While this is a more broad suggestion, it is an important one. Having empathy for what our spouses go through on the job is important. Understanding that they need support from you, as a spouse, even when we may not know what it feels like to see what they see on the job is incredibly helpful. We may not be able to fix things as a spouse (most times we can’t actually), but we can listen, offer love and compassion, and always be willing to let them vent or share knowing we may not have answers.
If communication with your spouse is a struggle or you want to increase ways to communicate effectively, grab the course 20 Minutes to Connection created by myself and LPC Cyndi Doyle (Founder of Code4Couples).
SIGN UP FOR THE COURSE HERE
This is obviously not an exhaustive list of what police officer needs. There are so many ways to be supportive of a spouse that works in law enforcement but these 3 ways help police officers to stay focused on the job and not feel guilty for the impact the job has.
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