Why the holidays can be so hard for first responder spouses

I am the spouse of a first responder.

It is not my title nor does it rule my life, but it does have a great influence on my family and I. It is also a portion of my life that I would not trade for the world.

Being a first responder spouse means I make sacrifices all year long and the holidays are no different.

While the holidays are considered the most joyous time of the year, it can be difficult for so many, including spouses of first responders.

For every spouse that is used to the holidays alone, there is also a spouse struggling through it for the first time.

While I consider first responder spouses to be some of the strongest and most resilient people I know, it does not mean that they are always “okay” especially during the holiday season.

Let me explain…

While others are opening their presents on Christmas morning, we are praying that our loved one makes it home safely.

We are trimming the tree and hanging the lights alone or in the wee hours of the morning when our first responder gets off work.

We are scheduling events at odd times before and after the holidays because our spouse is more than likely working every holiday.

The first responder spouse is strategically placing Christmas presents under the tree making sure it doesn’t wake her children because her loved one is working.

We are wiping away tears from our children (and maybe even ourselves) because friends and family are doing activities that we are skipping.

We make plans A, B and C because we know our spouse’s plans change and we must always be prepared.

We are going to events alone and hoping we don’t get asked the dreaded question “where is your husband/wife” because the answer is always the same.

We have tweaked our plans 2, 3 maybe even 4 times because of our spouse’s schedule.

What we need others to understand:

Juggling schedules, missed events and time alone can be hard on us. Yes, we make it work but please give us grace.

As first responder spouses, we have learned the true meaning of never taking time for granted and that is no reflection on how we feel about spending time with you or your event. Please don’t take it personally.

The thing is, when we say “no” to your event we are making a decision to say “yes” to other things like kissing our first responder goodbye one last time as it will be days before we can do it again. Or making the decision to spend quality time together instead of stressing over one more party or fancy meal.

When you ask us to commit to plans together, it may take us time to respond. As a spouse, we are often waiting hours, sometimes days, just to have a conversation with our spouse about holiday plans- we really aren’t avoiding you.

If you are a first responder spouse yourself I need to you remember something:

You are doing the absolute best that you can every day AND this holiday season. Forget those perfect gifts, expensive travel plans and numerous holiday parties.

If all of that is causing you and your spouse stress than it is time to cut back.

Sit down, breath, and remember the reason for this season. Remember the time you DO get with your first responder this holiday season and focus on making the most of that time. The memories together is what matters, not the “extras”.

I know the holiday season can be hard but I promise you, you will make it through and you don’t have to do it alone.

Confide in a friend who “gets” it, talk with me on Instagram– I’ll be your cheer squad & I promise to bring some positivity your way this holiday season or make a promise with your spouse that you both will commit to making memories this Christmas instead of stressing over doing “all the things”.

Need more inspiration for police wife/girlfriend life?

Check out The Peacemaker’s Wife on Amazon– a journal filled with encouragement for wives and girlfriends of law enforcement.