Being in law enforcement is not for the weak. The stressors that police deal with on a daily basis are high. I couldn’t do it, absolutely no way. As a police wife it took me a long time to realize the amount of stress they are faced with, keep inside, and bring home. It also took me a long time to realize how to HELP my officer deal with it, let alone how to be supportive. I am still learning based on new situations my husband encounters.
It is important to have some tools in your arsenal on how to help your LEO as soon as his/her shift ends.
Most importantly, be a TEAM. Listen to each other. Let your LEO know that you fully support him/her. You have to support his/her career, the choices made in this career, no matter what. Each relationship is different and this will look different for each relationship. Figure out ways to show your LEO you are there: physically, emotionally, mentally.
Next, each officer handles stressors differently. As a part of this team, try to figure out how your officer deals with stress. Does your spouse internalize things? Does your spouse like to talk things out right when it happens? Try to recognize signs of stress. Some people are quiet, don’t eat/sleep, shut down, some may pick up the phone immediately. This took me the longest to realize and implement within my marriage. When my officer comes home from an exhausting shift, he can’t just walk in the door, be given a baby to change, and make dinner (or breakfast). Long discussions with my husband helped me learn that he needs time to decompress.
Not only is his job demanding, but there are physical constraints that come with wearing a heavy vest and duty belt. He deals with negativity of the public and within the media. He experiences more crime, abuse, and disturbing situations than I have seen in my life. All of these combined can take a toll on any person. Their brains have to turn off and figure out a way to leave what they saw at work, behind. For my LEO, negative situations involving kids are exceptionally difficult.
It can also take a number of hours for our officer’s body to be “off duty”. Their bodies can remain in a hypervigilant state and allowing them time to decompress (maybe 20-30 minutes depending on the day) can help our officers tremendously!
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So what do you do?
I really try my best to let my husband come home and have that 20 minutes or so to decompress. It is harder when he comes home right in the middle of dinner. Kids are up, jumping all over him, excited to see daddy. It is hard to explain to toddlers why daddy needs a “break” when he just walked in the door, but I definitely try. He will change, shower if he needs to, grab a beer, go to the restroom. Whatever he can do to decompress a bit.
My biggest advice is to talk to your spouse and ask them what he/she needs. How is he/she feeling when they come home? Is it stressful or not? After work, does he/she want to talk about work right away or wait just a bit? If you don’t have these conversations, you will never know.
Remember: Just because they “see it all”, does not make our officers SUPERHUMANS. Are they HEROES? Yes. But they can’t magically turn off a switch or erase emotions as soon as that shift ends and they walk in the door.
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Learn to rock police wife life with these 10 easy tips! Join over 20,000 fellow police wives who are learning to rock it and feel supported with our help each week! Once a week I will provide you with even more ways to feel encouraged and supported for your law enforcement wife journey with my newsletter.
Read my PRIVACY POLICY here.