How to Take Control of Your Fear as a Police Wife

Fear as a police wife- this is a huge topic I get asked about all the time. Spouses want to know are their fears normal? Do other spouses have fear, too? How do you manage the fear?

First, fear is normal. But fear is an emotion that will control you if you let it. It can consume you and only bring negativity if you don’t find ways to redirect those emotions.

So there is a fine line between having normal amounts of fear as a police wife in your life and letting those fears be in the front of your mind every single day.

Sadly, I don’t think this topic is not discussed enough. We hear about fear that spouses have but ways to redirect those fears I think is overlooked a lot of the times. So many spouses I talk to think that police wives just walk around living with fear every day and that is not the case (nor should it be).

It can be hard talking about our fears because more often than not, other people can not relate. It can be hard to find someone who “gets it”.

Before I talk about ways to take control of your fear, let’s talk about why it may be happening.

What is making you fearful?

We all have different reasons as to why we are fearful and they are all valid. But knowing why you are having these fears may help you control those emotions better.

For some, it could be a past incident or trauma. For others it could be the climate of today’s world. And many spouses say it is fear of the unknown and knowing their spouse’s job is dangerous but not being able to do anything about it.

Whether we are a veteran spouse, police mom, new spouse or girlfriend, we will all experience fear at some point. But we have to draw the line between realizing are we just having fear when situations hit close to home or is it consuming our every day lives?

Some Ways to Take Control of Your Fear as a Police Wife:

Talk to or confide in someone you trust.

In this lifestyle a support system is so important. A friend, family member or neutral person that you can talk to when fears arise may help you feel less fearful. Talking to your spouse about any fears when he/she is working, is usually not an option. So having someone you can lean on that just gets you, is important.

Write your feelings down.

I know this doesn’t work for everyone but if you like to journal then I suggest giving it a try. I would write my emotions down on paper then try to leave them there instead of carrying them with me throughout the day.

Get a change of scenery.

Going for a walk or run, or finding a way to get out of the house can help change your emotions. Sometimes our minds just need a new change of pace.

Pray about it.

Ask God to take these fears and burden of emotions from you. He does not want you to live in fear. Often times I realize I take to social media or the news when I worry about my husband and something that may be happening at work. Instead, I am learning to go to Him first.

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Take up a New Hobby.

Are your fears presenting a certain time of day? Maybe at night when your spouse is working? If so, you could try finding a new hobby to do during that particular time to see if that helps.

Create a code word with your spouse.

Let your spouse know that you are feeling fearful when it comes to their job and one thing that would help is if you knew that he/she is safe. Obviously, your spouse can’t stop and do this in the middle of an emergency or incident. But even if it is a few hours later, if they get a second, they can text you a code word like “safe” and you know all is well.

Avoid local groups online, media pages and the comments section.

A lot of times our fears grow when we read information online. Fears can arise from not knowing what is going on but going to the department Facebook page, media pages or comment section can only increase fears. Generally there is misinformation and they are giving information about an incident as a whole. You are probably not going to learn information about your spouse in particular so why go there? If something has happened with your spouse, you are going to be notified well before anything is online.

Talk to a Counselor.

If the fears you are having are just too much at times or feel consuming, then it is more than okay to talk to a counselor. They will be able to give you coping tools specific to your situation.

Remember, fear is normal. We don’t want to get rid of this emotion but instead learn to redirect it and control it better. Fear will happen from time to time because of the line of work your spouse is in. After 15 years of my husband being in law enforcement, it happens to me at times, too. But that fear doesn’t live rent free in my end constantly.

Lastly, remember that being married to a police officer is only one piece of your life (a big piece but still there is so much more to your life). So the feelings associated with your spouse’s job should not consume you all the time. If they do, then it is time work on redirecting those fears or talk to someone.

What ways do you deal with fear as a police wife?

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