49 Things No One Ever Tells You About Being Married to a Police Officer

I was super naive when my husband went into law enforcement and I truly did not know what to expect. I wish I had that one friend that could pull me aside and let me know the ups and downs. Maybe it would have saved us some fights, maybe I would have been less surprised or confused some days, and maybe it could have helped prepare me a bit more.

But one thing I have learned is that this lifestyle is full of MANY positives and not all negatives despite what you may hear. Wouldn’t it have been nice to know that?

So I polled my amazingly wonderful Instagram audience who also happen to be police wives/girlfriends and we compiled a HUGE list of of things NO one ever seems to tell you when you marry (or date) a police officer.

Many of these things I never even thought about before becoming a police wife. But after being in this lifestyle for 16 years and talking with hundreds of other spouses who also walk these shoes, we wanted to give you the 411 on what to expect. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the sometimes funny.

The Longest List of Things No One Ever Tells You About Being Married to a Police Officer:

1. The police community is AMAZING should you decide to embrace it. It is a great place to seek support from others who understand.
2. You will know more than you should about the community. It’s both a blessing and a curse.
3. You get to wake up every day knowing that you are married (or dating) a true hero who runs toward danger.
4. People who do not live a schedule like shift work, do not understand it. And that’s okay.
5. You will know most of their co-workers by their last names.
6. You will have an endless amount of uniform pieces and gear. And then more, and more, and more.
7. The academy and FTO (training after the academy) are one of the hardest seasons. Need help with navigating the academy as a spouse? CHECK OUT THE ACADEMY BOOTCAMP FOR POLICE SPOUSES HERE.
8. Encourage the officer in your life to pack A LOT of snacks for on duty.
9. The amount of equipment and bags they take to work is insane. And men thought women always overpacked. Haha!
10. They (or you) will be ironing uniforms often or you’ll want to have a budget for the dry cleaner.
11. Be firm in your faith. Having a relationship with God and prayer helps us get through those difficult times.
12. It is okay to celebrate holidays, birthdays and events on other days. Being together is what matters most.
13. You have to be intentional about communicating and staying connected as a couple. The job will get in your way IF you let it.
14. You will have to explain to people why your LEO is not at an event…”Yes, he/she is working again.”
15. You will realize you can handle more than you ever thought possible
16. This lifestyle/career will strengthen your relationship more than you realize.
17. Ask for help when you need it!
18. You will, unfortunately, be the default parent most of the time.
19. You will find random pieces of gear all over your house or bullets in your washing machine.
20. The adjustment is hard at first but it DOES get easier.
21. You gain another family (law enforcement family) and they are wonderful.
22. They will become more cynical because of what they encounter on the job. You may adopt that mentality, too.
23. Their view of people will change.
24. Their sleep is MORE important now more than ever before. Making sure they get adequate sleep is essential.
25. They will have overtime and they will be late. Learn to be flexible.
26. They NEVER sit with their back to the door everywhere you go (like in restaurants).
27. You will have a built in protector aka your spouse.
28. Try to have the washing machine open when they come home from work. There will be fluids and chemicals on their clothes, shoes, etc.
29. You will watch your heart drive away everyday as they go to work.
30. The “what-ifs” of the job will cross your mind at some point.
31. You CAN have a happy marriage!
32. The high divorce rate for law enforcement is a MYTH!!
33. Get to know the dispatchers and your spouse’s work partners. They protect him/her on the job.
34. You will become more resilient than you realize.
35. You will make a plan only to make a new plan, then another plan, then you’ll go back to the original plan again.
36. You will talk about things you never thought you’d have to talk about like death, crimes and drugs.
37. You will become a superhero, too. You will be independent, strong, and self-sufficient.
38. The job will make you want to delete all social media and any public info about yourself/spouse.
39. You may be lonely at times, but it does get better.
40. Embrace your alone time- find things you love to do!
41. You may need a dedicated closet just for guns, tasers and bullets. LOL!
42. Hearing that sound of velcro when they get home becomes both a sigh of relief and annoying at the same time.
43. You will be washing a lot of white t-shirts and black socks. LOL!
44. They will develop a dark sense of humor that almost seems morbid at times. This is normal!!
45. Dinner table conversations will consist of shootings, gross crimes, deaths and more and it becomes totally normal.
46. It’s okay if you struggle with this lifestyle. You are not alone.
47. Therapy is worth it for you and your spouse.
48. It never gets old seeing them in uniform or with a holster on their leg.
49. The amount of pride you feel every time he/she walks out of the house.