You watch as your police officer husband pulls out of the driveway in his patrol car. He is headed to work for a 12 hour night shift. You saw him for a matter of 5 minutes the entire day. You worked your full time job and you are just getting home yourself. On days he works, you see one another in passing. That’s it. You have the rest of the evening to yourself. Home. Alone.
You have 2 options right now:
You can sit home. Alone. You can worry, be sad, be scared, be bored. Wait by the phone for his call, his text. Hardly sleep. Be tired the next day. You can live this constant cycle in the shadow of your husband’s schedule.
You can take over your emotions. Be strong. Not let “being alone” be WHO you are. His shadow is not WHO you are. You can learn to weave his schedule into your life. Yes, he is your life, but his career choice does not have to control you. You can be happy. You can live. You can live with reduced fear, worry, and boredom.
His job as a police officer can’t be your main focus.
You absolutely can not worry about what is happening or what MIGHT happen while your husband is on duty. I know this is easier said than done. I used to be in the same position. Until one day I realized, it got me NOWHERE. I was still worried the same day and next time he went to work. I couldn’t even fall asleep easily at night because I was scared. I would wait for a text, for a call, ALL of the time.
Yes, I still keep my phone on. I am not saying to make yourself unavailable. What I am saying here is this: you have to change your mindset. It will not happen over night. This is something you will work towards for a long time. It may be months, it may be years. I think it took me a good 3 years before I realized my “fear focused” mentality was making me unhappy and his career was not going anywhere. So I slowly made a priority to not live this way. I did this by living my life. PERIOD.
You have to live your life.
So I chose to live my life a little differently. When I came home from work and knew I was going to be alone and my police officer husband was on duty, then I stayed busy. I would have dinner with friends or neighbors. I would see family. I would get extra work done at my job so I could be ahead. I would exercise. I made this time about ME. I eventually learned to love this time while my husband was working and my anxiety about my husband’s career started to reduce. Yes, I still miss him, but I tried to make the best of the situation.
You trust him.
Decide to put your faith and full trust in your spouse. You can’t control what he can’t control. I understand that it is the unknowns that leave you fearful- those unknowns create great fear. But what I am asking you to do, is let them go.
One of the biggest things that gets me through the scariest of times, is my faith. Faith in God, faith in my husband, and the faith I have in his training as a law enforcement officer. I learn to let other things go because I don’t want it to run my life and my relationship with my husband.
To help keep your mind off things and focused (and not lonely) when your officer is working, you can download this FREE guide below:
Please understand, I am not saying if you have fear or worry, that is wrong. I am NOT. I still have those emotions, too. I just now know that I don’t want them to control me and I don’t want that for you either. I deal with the fear, sometimes even have a good cry and I move on. I talk about my feelings with my husband when I can (when our schedules allow that week) or I find a good way to reduce my emotions. Staying busy with my own life helps me to not dwell on negative emotions.
All of these things are a process. Not an over night fix. But I know you can do it. God made strong women police wives for a reason.
And if you need support while doing it, feel free to reach out by emailing or join our exclusive, closed Facebook group.
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